Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
