i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
