what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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