Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize