Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Someone came in the potted fern
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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