listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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