i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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