what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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