mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
