she is the kim kardashian of front butts
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
