The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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