BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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