id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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