So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
