why didn't you poke me back
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The power of my boobs compel you
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
