An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
