Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
