By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
