my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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