That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
