Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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