I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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