i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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