I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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