He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
