just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Enjoy the penises
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
