Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
