If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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