this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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