took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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