Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
