NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
