i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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