so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
even my farts smell like vagina
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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