If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
