She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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