she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
