Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I understand Curling. That high.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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