She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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