My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
