You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
