I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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