Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
