Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
