babies were throwing up all over the place
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
