if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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