Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize