Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
