New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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