Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
