if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize