I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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