Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
