Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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