I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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