I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
