Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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