Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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