i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
