That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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