You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
