Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
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Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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