this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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