I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
