I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
