I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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