Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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