chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
